Thursday, February 17, 2011

my 10 year old conscience

My ten year old daughter puts my life in clear perspective when she says "I just want a family, my mom and dad, my brother and sister".  What she means by that is she wants her family together, because we are not. 

We are seperated by three states and a four hour drive and soon...a divorce. 

That is such an ugly word.  You dont really understand the ugliness of it until it is something you and your entire family have to face head on, with all the implications and fall-out it brings.

I wish I could give her the family she wants without all the disfunction.  Her wish for a family that is together is something everyone wants, well, for the most part.  I wanted it.  I begged and pleaded for it.  I struggled with depression, overlooked signs and situations that maybe I shouldn't have for it. 

I know the best gift a child can receive is the love of two parents, who love eachother.  I believe that a child learns from her parents, how to love, how to live and how to hande life and all of it's ups and downs.  Right now, I feel like my main priority needs to be to love my children unconditionally, love myself and be the best I can be.  I know she is right in her thoughts and wishes for a family that is together.  But, as ugly as the word divorce is, the words depression and mistrust are too.

"people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime"

I need to clear my conscience quit feeling sorry for myself and focus on being and staying happy and supportive and loving towards my three favorite little people... because even my three year old understands what's going on with our broken little family and soon so will the baby.

Any single moms (or dads) reading this? 


  1. Every child wants a family that is together. I think you are right to focus on being the best you can be for yourself and for her and the rest will follow. We can't always get what we want but we can get what we need. (cliche, I know!) Love and support and guidance from those in our lives is what counts and that can take on whatever form that is, be it parent, grandparent, neighbor, etc.

  2. Thats hard. I'm having the same sort of issues, except I'm in Louisiana, and my soon to be ex husband is in California.

  3. I'm recently divorced also..after 18 years of marriage... it's a tough situation... my children are older but it's still difficult. I have to send my boys away every other week to stay with their dad and it breaks my heart every time I do..I will say though, that I've become a much stronger person after going through this. I have much more confidence in myself now and have learned a lot about myself and that is a good thing.. I think in the long run if the kids see that I am happy.. and their dad is happy.. then they too will be happy.. even if their family isn't exactly the way they want it to be.